When it comes to better habits, the sum really is greater than its parts.
Usually, I suffer heavily from seasonal depression. For many years, the first 3 months of the year have been agony. Living in Denmark, getting only about 6 hours of daylight in winter, a study in grey. Most of us spend these precious hours walled up in our respective cubicles, a study in beige, being good ants, going about our work. This lack of vitamin D seems to affect people differently, and I’ve been so lucky to pull the melancholic straw.
This year has been different in several ways though, and I have some theories as to why – most of them involving dopamine. Besides quitting alcohol, for January I also decided to stay off processed sugar in as many forms as I could. Not an easy task, as there is sugar in almost all food you buy today, so I decided to stay clear of the most obvious sinners: candy, cake, chips and sweetened beverages. Natural sugars stayed, so I’ve been snacking on fruits instead.
This was not just a health move, but more of an attempt to maintain a better baseline for my mood and energy. Sugar tends to affect me the same way that alcohol does. It gives me comfort, displaces a little sadness inside of me and heightens my perceived mood. When it comes to sugar, the dopamine boost is the main attraction. The first piece of candy gives me that intense sharp sweetness and rush, but a few more bites and my tongue goes numb to the flavors. This is where the dopamine kicks in, and I gorge like a five-year-old, emptying the bag within minutes. I can’t count all the Sunday nights I’ve set up a series of snacks, put on a movie, excited for a good relaxing time, only to dig through all the snacks in 20 minutes, feeling like shit for the rest of the night, switching off the movie and going to bed early. Regret rushes through me as the crash comes, and then the aftermath: I feel bloated and unmotivated, have trouble concentrating, my sleep is out the window and in the days after, everything is a little off. Concentration, gym performance, willpower – you name it.
I hate how good it makes me feel to stay off sugar, but how fanatic I sound when I talk about it. I’ve spoken to more than a few who think I seem to suffer from an eating disorder, based on how I navigate these health habits. I find it peculiar that most people buy and eat processed food in the stores these days or order takeout three times a week without even questioning what might be in it, but if you prioritize fresh, natural ingredients, no sugar, cooking your own meals, and somehow try not to compromise on that, you’re the one with an eating disorder. It’s all upside down to me.
I don’t know if feeling better this winter is the result of staying off sugar. It’s likely a combination of that, no alcohol, and better eating habits, which have created a chain reaction of better mental clarity and energy, more motivation, improved workouts and many other quality of life improvements. More energy has translated into more time. Time I really want to spend wisely. I feel like I’ve been given the opportunity to build something new in my life, although I don’t know yet what. Having turned 40, I’ve noticed society is not really brimming with stories of freshly middle-aged men reinventing themselves. Usually we just seem to buy a motorcycle.
I was hoping for something a little more substantial – and I already own a motorcycle, so that option is out the window. Alas, time will tell what I make of this, I guess.